I didn’t know my influence.
With your consent, I used you to feed my demons.
The greatest sin in all this is leaving you for years in between sessions knowing full well the impact such a void would leave on an already broken impressionable heart.
To my first subs, I Apologize.
I apologize for leaving you how my first abusers left me after relieving themselves, thus perpetuating the cycle of emotional/psychological manipulation thru sexual abuse.
In this walk of B.D.S.M there’s a fine line between predator & prey.
To be as close to “fair” as humanly possible, your innocence.. yearning for acceptance & mothering made you the perfect prey. In retrospect I would in turn become your beloved predator.
Like the Owl mantling it’s prey, I would shield you. With our Egoic Death imminently approaching.. As the grip tightens around your dainty throat, each breath more shallow than the next, lips loosen, more fingers your orifice(s) receives.. next breath, wrist twist, whole hand engulfed in your seas, Fully received, voice squeals, I loosen my grip long enough to permit air in your lungs, intently glaring into glossy eyes I COMMAND thee, “BITCH BREATHE!”
Have i given you permission to fuck me back, YET?! A moment of fear wrapped in arousal overcomes her. She knows her Domme isnt pleased. Her cum she attempts to hold. Dopamine, floods as her cheeks turn from pink to flusterered ruby.. BITCH BREATHE! Wrist twists, she shakes..
**tilts head, She snarls**
You want me to own you, me? One who has yet to take claim of her own divinity by birthright. You lay there, yielding your all to me.. her? In this moment i wonder who’s really in “control” here?
For the last year I have observed both the rise & demise of “seemingly powerful” unions of the aware community community. Unions that were once financially lucrative while spiritually comatose. Crumbling because their foundations were built on trauma but was never addressed properly. Ive observed abuse of power by D-types & for lack of better words, I was appalled. Even moreso the out of pocket nature of subs is just.. It reflects poorly on their D’s leadership abilities. So I wrote this piece as both the observer & active participant in the fuckery. I Am no better or worse than those who abuse their authority as Dominant. But I will say this, If at any point I feel myself being pushed beyond what I’m emotionally or psychologically equipped to handle from a respectful but firm standpoint, I will remove myself from the sub’s grasp completely. As I teach my students from the first day on the mat, as well as my potential Intimacy Surrogate partners, Self Preservation Is the first & most imporant law of Nature. And believe you me, I Will leave you alone cold turkey if it means my freedom, sanity, or livelihood is at stake, PERIOD. Decorum, consent, respect are all #1 under my leadership & are non-negotiable. Everything else is negotiable. Furthermore, I require Balance & Moderation in ALL things I touch especially MY subs in training..