Tag Archives: ageism

Dear Angry black woman, Im tired of yall… I mean, Us.

 

Been spending time with the maternal grandmother in Texas just as I did as a youth. True enough i’m here on business but on a personal  note, this is turning into one big ass case study of self… Let me explain.

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“Fourth of July weekend, 2016 here I am 4 days away from completing truck driver school #somewhereintexas and of course, being the perfectionist I Am, I strain my clutching knee. As divine timing and “Gawd’s favor” would have it, it’s a 3-day weekend. So im like cool!! Im going home to Grandma’s house so she can love on me, wrap my knee, give me some GOOD pain meds, FILL MY BELLY (yes, lordt) you know, nurture me, so ill be back in tip top shape  just in time for class come Tuesday morning!!! #anticipation

 

Yay grandma 

 

140+ miles later I arrive at Grandma’s house… Limping from that hard-body ’95 Nissan truck (no hammers) to the front door, 3 trips to be exact in 103 degree TEXAS heat, mind you.. Open the door, cool crisp central air blasts me in the face. I inhale deeply.. I exhale a sigh of relief.. Until my eyes connect with my makeshift bed er umm couch. **the let down** Mind you ive already briefed Granny on the prior week’s challenges ya know the usual male chauvinistic, sexist, misogynist culture that is the trucking/automotive industry to which im no stranger to. Ive been working in said industry since 2006 so trust me, my skin is thick. However, this situation differs as ive never lived amongst those I worked with. College dorm sleeping, classroom style and OMG has it been an eye opener… Now week one of this 3week Class A intensive was the “welcoming” while week 2 was the initiation. I wont go into specifics but lets just say I would be just fine if I never hear the words “Yall females are taking all of OUR jobs” again in my life. See what that particular guy didn’t understand is that I too am a misogynist, CORRECTION: An internalized misogynist (thanks feminist chick.. there’s the bright side to your shady hearted antics) and didn’t fully comprehend why until I came “home” for the weekend. See, last week I kept trying to avoid this guy but he kept parking near me. Just had to say SOMETHING to me ya know? Just a pestilent little shit I couldn’t get away from. Then, it comes to me, like an epiphany…. He is my reflection!!! My own got damned shadow-self .

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According to Wikipedia Shadow-Self means: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)  Now when I say shadow-self I mean those parts of us that continue rearing its ugly head no matter how many yoga challenges we participate in, how many yoni steams or digestive system detoxes we perform, no matter how much chamomile tea and nag champa incense we burn, that darkside, that shadow just keeps on nagging at your inner peace like that one neighbor we ALL know who will STILL be bussin cannon-style fireworks randomly between the hours of 10:57p.m and 3:13am for the next 2-3 weeks… So, I had 2 choices. Either make friends with this bully, get to the root of why he doesn’t like women imposing on “his” territory, show him im different, you know cater to his egoic persona while stroking my own OR curse this dude (who is also a projection of myself, follow me now) out so bad he never blinks my away again let alone makes another snide remark.. OUTCOME: I did both not only did I make friends with my darkside i physically cursed him smooth out. Banished his ass like a bad spirit who cant accept its no longer in this physical realm!!!! Ghostbuster style… And man did it feel good!!! All that shy, passive shit flew right out the door. I had taken my last blow from misogyny.. or so I thought. Continue reading Dear Angry black woman, Im tired of yall… I mean, Us.