It’s okay to choke me baby… Here, Let me explain why.

Lil Red & The Big Bad Wolf…

Finding Light Within Shadows…

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By: The Dark Yogi

 

Without going too far into detail, I knew May 2016 was going to be the beginning/ending of a chapter… The beginning/ending of an era.. The death/birth of a being.. no, an entity bigger than myself. A movement of sorts…. But first, parts of the hyper-aware conscious/yang left-brained self, needed to be sacrificed… That harsh cold hyper-judgmental part of self.. the hyper-discernment (not hypervigilant because there’s a difference… trust!) All the rules I set for myself.. boundaries I vowed to NEVER cross… I, with all the vigor & self-righteousness of a southern Baptist bible belt raised Virgo, with one swig of a bottle, I forsaked them all!!!  This short story, was the initiation… the joining of the heart ceremony… shadow-self & the light… when predator met the perfect prey… oh yeah, and the consummation of our “Unholy Matrimony” between two souls of female African descent on the banks of America’s very own Nile… Now, Prepare to sip your judgmental tea while reading such alluring FILTH…

THERE’S YOUR WARNING. 

After 20+ years of bondage, I was FINALLY set free to a nice kennel.. a half-way house of sorts..  but A safe space for rage, sex, drugs & all types of heathenous debauchery.. (I mean it IS my last weekend of “freedom” right? Lets throw caution to the wind and just….. JUMP!!!!) I tasted every drop this “hell-house” poured me and got dammit, it was good! So good in fact, I crave for that freedom again. Regular everyday life outside said safe space feels… feels downright oppressive.. Ya know, A wise man once told me that “the nigga-norm is chaos.” Being of African descent forced to live within a European-Americanized paradigm/construct breeds dysfunction. And what happens when one adds generations of unchecked childhood sexual abuse into that same bloodline? MAYHEM!!! Internalized, suppressed/repressed century old guilt for having untamed erratic SEEMINGLY uncontrollable high functioning loins… And here I Am… 80s baby daring to stand strong with my chest out in the middle of an election year 2016 to say, I choose freedom!!! I choose liberation… For however long the powers that be ALLOW this luxury of free speech to truly remain “free.” For the first time in life, I allowed myself to belong to the universe. I did not fight to maintain control, I simply jumped….


While on pre-honeymoon business I figured I would take a stroll through the city. Ya know, see some sites, taste some things ive never tasted, I mean why not take this opportunity to “cheat” on my strict diet regimen. Shit, im not at home, nobody knows me here. Who cares if I eat a WHOLE pig? For the last two years ive been a hardcore vegan, eating romaine lettuce, and sprouts for breffus lunch and sometimes dinner. Its my first time experiencing “Memphis In May” as an adult so Whats one pig-foot gonna hurt?  And As my loyal soon-to-be hubby would say, “You really need to learn how to loosen up and Live a little bit. Its not healthy to be so anal about EVERYTHING.. Relax this weekend and do something for you. I trust your judgment. Go have fun!” Reluctantly, I obliged and my life hasn’t been the same since… Why the hesitation? Hmph, keep reading…


After BB Kings busted my head to the white meat with entry fees on top of food prices. Figured I scoop up what was left of my pride and mosey on down to Coyote Ugly because well, drunk bitches dancing on bars, that’s why!!! Cheaper than the strip club, plus ive already ate so why not have an Angry Orchard sit back and just watch… That’s it Dragonfly!! We’re Just here to watch… and then i see this red-skinned petite woman struggling to walk in her snake skinned pumps.. I ignore her because well, that’s her dumbass fault. Who the fuck wears heels let alone stillettos to a street festival? Thirsty attention depraved hoes, that’s who!! Keep walking.. Plus she got her drunk friends with her at least 2 of em can figure it out… So I get to the spot, its jumping as I suspected now im sipping. PAUSE… Now yall see the photo above right? I initially see this chick and her goofy ass friends roughly three spots south of the King’s restaurant. Coyote Ugly is somewhere around FOURTH street.. Maybe even FIFTH.. but of course we all know how energy works in terms of growth experiences soooooooo yea… Here they come.. loud and obnoxious as all get out stumbling thru the joint.. Im just watching… Lowkey Getting my 7 chuckles and after about my 2nd Angry Orchard they call out “SHOTS!!!” And I say fuck it.. Lets do it.. Ill take a Patron.. and what I do that for? We make eye contact & here SHE comes…

 

**enter useless small talk here**

Her:”I like your dreds!! Where you from? I always wanted to GO natural but….”

Me: Yea so where’s your man at?

Her: Shit idk, im with my homegirls fuck him?!!

Me: It sho looks like you need his help with that leaning ass shoe you been stumbling in  the last 3 blocks.” ~sips cider~

Her: Wait so You been watching me?

Me: If you wasn’t so extra I wouldn’t noticed you at all.. ~shade~

Her: You like women don’t you? **enter flirty chit chat here**

We chit chat about my upcoming nuptuals and her well… “ready for it to be over with” ALREADY marriage… Tells me how she misses how things used to be before the babies.. Before they were overworked, overbudget with mortgages, barely above water, yet yearning for sensual touch.. The way he USED to touch her you know, before he got USED to the pussy… Before he got USED to her mood swings.. before he stopped trying… before she stopped caring.. Now she’s doing the ‘drunk cry’ and im in healer mode… Her friends come over and ask what happened she assures them we’re good, she just needed someone to vent too. Then asks if I will walk her back to the hotel since its only a few blocks away. And I say cool. They tired, and she still wants to talk.. Fuck it! ~the trap~ After my hourly check in with the hubby I tell him im heading back to the room and will call him soon as I get settled…

I help gather her things, hold the door open and we’re walking… And I cant help but notice this damn shoe again… So I stop her in mid-rant, tell her to place one hand on my shoulder, put her foot on my knee so I can get to the bottom of this ish-shoe… (get it?! issue Ha! fuck you that was funny!!) She trying to find her balance, mess around and I happen to look up and notice she’s not wearing any panties… At this point im asking black jesus to be a fence because im about to be a WIFE, okay? I have been delivered from lesbianism and yea… Marriage, kids, white picket fence, 2 car garage.. #lifeGoals and shit…. So now she’s using my head as a crutch and im staring at bald head red pussy while trying to focus on puncturing a hole to tighten the straps on not one but BOTH shoes cuz of course they her best friend’s shoes an too damn big.. smh ratchet hoe problems… At this point the concrete is tearing up my knee cap and ive had enough of getting flashed. Let me get her tucked in so I can call MY MAN so he’ll know im safe and sound.

ME: Look, you gon have to get on my back? You aint but 93lbs soak and wet hop you ass on and lets go…

Her: A bunch of lip and then, compliance..

We trotting.. She laughing cause her mini dress keeps rising up and im panicking trying to shield her yoni from passersby but no, she thinks its funny… ~one block down, one to go~ FINALLY!!! The Holiday Inn is in sight.. ~cues Nigga We Made It~ Holding up 4 fingers she says “Fif Floor like Bruh Man.” Mind you this is the same chick who would later run her fingers thru my dreds… whisper ever so gently in my ear & tell me I was safe in her arms… all while she simultaneously commenced to placing the palms of MY hands firmly, yet tightly, around her tiny throat. She offers me a beverage from the mini-fridge while she hops in the tub real quick. PAUSE:

I know whats coming next.. Anytime a chick jumps in the shower after being out all night at home let alone a hotel, she’s with the shit. And you know what, I think I am too.. I wait about 4mins you know, long enough for her to get AL the “hot spots,” then I knock. Tell her to hurry up because I need to pee. She says, “Come in hell we got the SAME shit. What you scared of?” Me: True… lol I pee, act like im gonna just walk out and she says So you just gon leave without peaking through the curtain? Goes off on a tangent about how im just like her nigga.. Don’t even pretend to be interested anymore.. I tell her look woman I respect your privacy shit that’s the reason I knocked instead of just busting in on you. I know whats that’s like and its an invasion. Wouldn’t dare put another woman through something like that..” She smiles and pulls the entire curtain back. There she stood.. Dripping, forehead to toes.. Water so damn hot its Steaming up the bathroom with fog thicker than a bayou in backwoods Louisiana.. I undress and climb in… Tell her to move AS IF I don’t want to share the water with her.. After while she’s had enough cuz well, its cold in the back LOL!! Plus she said she thinks she’s missed a spot on her back and needs my assistance.. As I was her back I grip her shoulders.. She trembles with pleasure AS IF the water suddenly went cold. She turns and asks me to check the front.. I cock my head to the side with a smirk… With a warning I tell her look, you don’t wanna go there with me lil mama.. I got a few issues im working through and I don’t need you getting attached. She laughs and says “Hmph, dont let the small frame fool you”. Then points her finger upside my head real cocky-like she continues, “Fucking with me you wont get married next weekend..” I abruptly turn off the water.” Was that a challenge? Her: Take it how you want too.


I grab her wrist and pull her ass up out the shower, toss her to the bed.. She smiles.. PAUSE!

Maaan listen, The utter confusion, the battle happening within my mentals I couldn’t perceive. Is it true that we create our own realities? Or was this already apart of the design? I consciously TRIED treating her like a queen all night long.. Opening doors, fixing the strap on her stiletto pumps, pulling her mini-dress down to shield her pussy lips from the nights brisk 5a.m air… Putting aside my asshole nature because when im with a woman, that’s just what I do. I take the more protective role. I had CHOSEN to swallow hard to treat Lil Red like {cliché ahead} the beautiful Black Queen she is, but at the same time I’m a giver. So, I took care of her. Got back to the room and along with our clothes, the mask just comes off… Not just mine, but hers too. Or maybe it was just mine.. She reaches for a small black bag. Im looking like wtf you doing? You bouta rob me or something? She bursts out laughing and whips out this brand new 10inch strap on and says NO, this is for you? PAUSE! You know Im tripping right? Like who just travels with brand new dildos I mean strapons at that? Plus I aint never fucked a bitch with one. I was always the “femme” in lesbian relationships, idk how to strap up? She says I saw you dancing in the club when ‘Wobble” came on so I KNOW you can fuck good just keep the straps tight and you good… I say cool, lay yo ass down!!! She complies.. I pull her further down to the edge of the bed by her thighs to get a better view of what im diving face first and rubber cock into… Skin still damp… still clammy… Sweat dripped, her juices flowed, I sipped. The louder she moaned, the harder I stroked, the stronger her ass cheeks I gripped.. Is this weave crocheted in, I ask? She cocks an attitude and says “yea I been trying to get you to pull it all night?!” Me: “ You disrespectful, beautiful, cunning, red-skinned little bitch. Here I am treating you AS IF youre some prized possession and THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT FROM Me?!!!”  She mocks my kindness for weakness & smiles. I then wrap her weave THRICE around my left fist, yanked that head back real good as to ensure I get the OPTIMUM grip on that neck, she squaled, as i kissed her so passionately I tasted yesterday’s lunch. With each stroke she squirts.. Each stroke she bites.. Next stroke she pulls my dreds. With a dead cold stare I stop, look her square in the eyes and said, who in the fuck gave you permission to touch my crown?!! Turn over, NOW! Shoved her face in the pillow, wrapped right my inner elbow around her throat, shoved that dick in her pussy, gripped tight on that fake ass hair FORCING a deep arch in her back she squirts even more than before!!! And from there, the predatory, taker of souls to the underworld aka the “Dark Yogi” was released…

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One mind, two hemispheres… So many sides to me.. so many levels.. layers im uncovering.. and in the words of Pimp C “She loves it” smdh every minute of it but it was ME who had the problem… Me who had a problem with ME & she, the reason im being released from this prison such that of the African in euro-americanized societal mind, who freed me. Gave ME confirmation that it was cool to let go… to be a FREAK… And Im learning that for people like Us, the Lil Red-Skinned seductress, and countless others who survived childhood incest-rape various sexual/emotional types of abuses, all have one thing in common. And that’s an almost insatiable sexual hunger.. no, a thirst for like-minded.. like-willed bodies.. that can only be quenched when with people that are just like us…. And that its imperative that We ONLY prey upon each other like WE, she/I, played with each other.. And it was okay… it was good.. it was nasty… filthy.. disgusting… earth shattering lust-filled, reckless, animalistic, sinner-sex & WE had the power!!! And The only boundary was that there were no boundaries.. Just be/do you.. do me.. do US.. do what WE do but ONLY when its safe.. Our innocence was stolen from us, forced us to live in these shadows… held hostage by our own thoughts.. what should have developed into natural healthy sexual maturity “reduced” to carnal beastly cravings and desires..Day in and day out we battle the energies/entities of those that MURDERED our innocence as children but this night WE took our power back… Transmuted that shit, powered the fuck up and it was good!!! Amen?!

I said all that to say this, Do what you were sent here for.. find comfort in what society deems as darkness.. because even in the darkest rooms, all it takes is that ONE lil red mothafucker to be drawn into your light…. To the thorn in my side, arguably the yin to my yang… Thanks Lil Red, you freed me you beautiful bitch you!!!

-Signed, The Big Bad Wolf.

 

2 weeks later, and im STILL not settled… R.I.P to the “old me” it was a good run… may she rest in peace.

 

 

 

 

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