Category Archives: Healing

To My Father, its over…. Learning to let go.

 

father daughter piano

I miss my father & I think that’s why I go so hard FOR the black man.. He’s misunderstood, isn’t acceptable for him to cry OR raise his voice.. Only to make the money & be strong as an ox… Nothing against my mother, Ive just always missed my daddy’s presence more. ‪#‎noApologies‬ ‪#‎reflecting

0821b2d57e2666225b0422fb59842465

See I was the type of child who REQUIRED a 2-parent upbringing.. I deserved examples (external/conscious/yang) of balanced and harmonious partnerships, but because this wasn’t the design, I’ve spent the last 29years trying to restore homeostasis from within (subconscious/yin/internal source) via outside sources. ‪#‎doingItWrong‬

Nevertheless, here’s an open letter to my father… May this letter be received with all the love, fire, passion, growth it has taken me to release this to you all… Ase’

Continue reading To My Father, its over…. Learning to let go.

4. Reasons I won’t date Men with children…. AGAIN!!

Alrighty so by now (blog 5) we’re well aware that I’ve got some abandonment type issues.. sprinkle in a little sexual abuse.. public education… and KA-BOOM!!! Yea, cool story bro, right?

kandis-wedding-kandi

But see the that’s not why im  not interested in helping raise your little crumb snatcher.  Or maybe it is, we’ll see by the end of this piece. First let me take a few steps UP to the top of my high horse and give you a brief synopsis of how I know I’d suck as your kid’s step-parent…

Selfish. I truly suck at sharing things and unless we’ve been together for over 2-3years im probably not bored enough to meet your kids yet. Chances are im still enjoying that whole new car smell type loving & Who has the energy for those  impromptu calls about how Lil Timmy just broke his big toe at soccer practice and needs YOU to come tell your story about how back in Cooley High 1997 you played through your ACL injury and scorned the winning shot in triple over-time.. WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING COS-PLAY!!!! Got damn you Timmy get your coordination together, FUCK!!!

146541-angry-parent

Or my absolute personal favorite, I have to cheer your irritable ass up all because your whack ass child’s mother/ex-wife who don’t want their ex to be great without them, heard her babygirl tell her other sibling how much they like Ms. Dragonfly over her mean ass? How Ms. Dragonfly takes the time to cut up their meat, asks questions about their school day fucking colors with them? And because they actually WANT TO STAY with their daddy and his “new bitch” you purposely start beef just to keep them away from us/him.. You try to punish HIM by punishing the babies… Yea that’s my favorite. Nobody got the energy to build that man back up right after you hoes simultaneously ripped my heart from me….. Its like clockwork!!! Which leads me to #2….

1824717267-frustrated_2Bmom_2Bfunny_2Bfacebook_2Bstatus_2Bupdate

2. Attachment. In the last serious relationship I encountered, this man was probably the most dope MALE parent ive ever witnessed in for real life, but I knew it wasn’t going to last. I knew our relationship wasn’t going to go the distance yet after roughly 1.5 of dating then eventually living together, he introduced me to his children… ~sighs~ Lets back up a few years. Now I entered my first bid dealing with a grown aged male with children, back in ill say ’08 shortly after Continue reading 4. Reasons I won’t date Men with children…. AGAIN!!

How To become a Predator…

I was the new girl in town…Again!!

(Freshly raped and passed around at least twice by my two older male step-cousins, prior to being uprooted then transplanted in this same old weird paper-mill smelling town during my 7th grade school year) Except this time, it was for good.. The suicide attempt bought me a good year of freedom back in the safety and nurturing arms of my great grandmother back in my hometown but I just couldn’t seem to get right. Age 10, Still reeling from a traumatic loss of the one stable father figure I’d been blessed since my then teenaged parents proved to be incompetent, the depression teamed with hyper stimulated genitalia was becoming too much for my grieving great grandmother to bare… I would eventually end up rotating between one relative to the next. I cant remember exactly what happened that got me to this point, yet Here I am, the new girl once again…

10644973_165804380450760_2764919150661856044_n

Sitting in Ms. O’s typing class, in front of me he sits. Braids to the back, toffee colored skin, cover-all jeans creased to the 9, gangsta Nike’s, basketball hoopin, nice flows, project living, all his brothers and sisters had different daddies but HE was the oldest.. I still remember his adams apple, the veins in his arms… On the outside he reminded me of my father. Except he wasn’t 6feet tall and black as midnight but he definitely fit his “thuggish” exterior.. I just KNEW he was gonna take me down through there.. As I sat on the backrow.. quiet as kept.. Never even giving him as much of a good morning… I observed him.. his mannerisms.. how he sharpened his pencil.. how he would make it a POINT to strut across the floor just to shoot paper in the trashcan like he was Jordan or somebody.. “What a show off,” I thought to myself.. As he sat down, a breeze would swoop past my nose and every damn time, i breathed him in.. Adiddas cologne to be exact.. Continue reading How To become a Predator…

It’s okay to choke me baby… Here, Let me explain why.

Lil Red & The Big Bad Wolf…

Finding Light Within Shadows…

.facebook_1464930982480

By: The Dark Yogi

 

Without going too far into detail, I knew May 2016 was going to be the beginning/ending of a chapter… The beginning/ending of an era.. The death/birth of a being.. no, an entity bigger than myself. A movement of sorts…. But first, parts of the hyper-aware conscious/yang left-brained self, needed to be sacrificed… That harsh cold hyper-judgmental part of self.. the hyper-discernment (not hypervigilant because there’s a difference… trust!) All the rules I set for myself.. boundaries I vowed to NEVER cross… I, with all the vigor & self-righteousness of a southern Baptist bible belt raised Virgo, with one swig of a bottle, I forsaked them all!!!  This short story, was the initiation… the joining of the heart ceremony… shadow-self & the light… when predator met the perfect prey… oh yeah, and the consummation of our “Unholy Matrimony” between two souls of female African descent on the banks of America’s very own Nile… Now, Prepare to sip your judgmental tea while reading such alluring FILTH…

THERE’S YOUR WARNING.  Continue reading It’s okay to choke me baby… Here, Let me explain why.

Child Sexual Abuse in the Black Community… Subjective Mind over the matter…

Child Rape and Incest… Our Little ‘BIG’ Secrets…

Image result for crying child

Child rape & Incest within the black community is a bigger HEALTH CRISIS than AIDS, heart disease, hypertension and ALL cancers combined… How did I come to this conclusion when  NOBODY dares to even talk about it, yet it has a domino effect on EVERYBODY..  Contrary to what most of Us would like to believe, this “behavior” doesn’t just happen to little black girls by their drunk step father’s or some RANDOM dude in a spooky van circling playgrounds when the streetlights are coming on.. This is happening to little boys as well.. Continue reading Child Sexual Abuse in the Black Community… Subjective Mind over the matter…

Intro to Dragonfly….

The Dragonfly Affect….

By: T.D Hooks 

 

It all made sense last night. Why my brothers and sisters (skin-folk) molested me. Why my brothers (skin-folk) raped me…  Spread rumors of how their “CONQUEST” enjoyed it.. The shredding of her hymen.. The terror oops I mean LUST in her eyes..  The smile i painted on when returning home later that evening.. The self-preserving smile I was “self-taught” to display to hide the shame of no longer being a Virgin… the guilt of under-age drinking that sweet Peach Boone’s Farm.. Hanging & watching adult movies with 16yr old teenaged male step-cousins & step-sisters… the pain radiating between my thighs yet trying with all my might to not LOOK broken.. The fight to keep my head held high at school.. the fight to remain “focused” on the positives in life.. The physical fight I CHOSE (fight, flight, or freeze) to not put up being (what I perceived to be) that I was both physically out-matched, out witted and outnumbered… I froze.  The mantra that states this too shall pass… the law of detachment (from the physical body/realm).. Yep, at the tender age of 11, Young Dragonfly began to master the art of “faking it” for the next 15+ years of her life… That day I accepted that my body no longer belonged to me… Continue reading Intro to Dragonfly….