Category Archives: Clarity

Redbone Fetish Aside: “Black Love & loyalty” sure does hurt..

I had to put my little red-bone fetish aside for this one… Let’s get right to it.

You people praising ‪#‎Korryn‬ should be on suicide watch… Living vicariously through someone who all but BLATANTLY told police that they were going to HAVE TO KILL HER “tuh-day,” not tomorrow, but “tuh-day.” The ‘folks’ stood there pleading with her, (a good 5-7minutes longer than #SandraBland extra rude self) NOT to do this, and the fact that she would rather die than comply speaks volumes… but I digress

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Continue reading Redbone Fetish Aside: “Black Love & loyalty” sure does hurt..

Is you conscious or is you woke? I’m just asking…

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Dear Dragonfly, Why don’t YOU focus on sexual abuse awareness and prevention the way YOU used too when you first started blogging?! Well, to be quite honest, It was draining. I started losing myself in other folks neglect of their children. I started to try and “save” folks when its not MY job.. I had to come to a place of accepting that their battle is not MINE.. Yes, we have similar scars, similar weaponry.. enemy had the same skin color, but the “battle?” Nah, its their own.. and vice versa.. Shit I’m just here to assist by being an example, through the documentation of my OWN journey back to wholeness. ‪#‎selfPreservation #saviorComplex ‬

So my question to YOU, dear innocent bystander, is this…

Why don’t YOU speak on sexual abuse, the way you talk about these supreme ass white folks that wont GIVE YOU NO JOB, huh? Why don’t YOU share facts/memes about sexual abuse of black boys and girls the way you share footage of blacks being gunned down by scary ass SUPREME white folks…the way YOU share photos of our ancestors being hung from trees.. the way YOU talk about gay agendas.. the way you talk about aint no good men/women.. the way YOU talk about sports.. the way YOU drag religious folks… I’m just asking…

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Now, we don’t ALL know somebody that’s been hung from a tree, killed, or denied a job from some “supreme” entity…. but according to the stats http://newsone.com/1680915/half-of-black-girls-sexually-assaulted/ 60% black females (and males, from the perspective of duality, as above so below, as within so without) will have been sexually assaulted by the age of 18… 60% of little black girls and 60% little black boys (separately but equally) have ALREADY been sexually abused/assaulted by their 18th birthday… SIX OUT OF TEN!!! 60/100 Black children… and in majority of these cases, guess what?? The perpetrator is another BLACK FEMALE OR BLACK MALE.. And 9/10, they are family &/or family acquaintance i.e someone the child’s family knows…From these statistics alone, you either ARE either 6/10 OR you’ve loved someone who’s apart of the 60%.. #introspection

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Hmph, so why don’t i spread the gospel about prevention and AWARENESS regarding sexual abuse in the black community the way I “used too” anymore? Oh yall are most definitely aware, matter of fact you’ve BEEN aware for generations, actually.. Yall just don’t [wanna] hear these babies when they’re telling you the truth tho. Too busy stuntin on your rivals just to show and prove you got somebody that comes home to you EVERY night. Knowing damn well they not coming home for you… They’re coming “home” because you’re knowingly, willingly sacrificing your own babies just to say you got somebody… Yea, I see you. ‪#‎pickYourBattles‬ ‪#‎scapegoatSociety‬ ‪#‎AsAboveSoBelow‬ ‪#‎rugSweepers‬ ‪#‎theDragonflyAffect‬

Is you conscious or is you awake? I’m just asking… ‪#‎enemyWithinOrWithout‬ ‪#‎stopDeflecting

 

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Aint enough bleach in the world that can wash THIS amount of blood off your generational hands my “consciously aware” community.. Might as well face yourselves and bathe in it… There’s no “we before EYE” on this journey to recovery. The sooner you comprehend this the better. Self preservation is the ONLY law. Save yourselves first, or drown with the rest of the ship. #noIceberg With peace & chaos, Thank you for reading. –T. D Hooks

Dear Angry black woman, Im tired of yall… I mean, Us.

 

Been spending time with the maternal grandmother in Texas just as I did as a youth. True enough i’m here on business but on a personal  note, this is turning into one big ass case study of self… Let me explain.

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“Fourth of July weekend, 2016 here I am 4 days away from completing truck driver school #somewhereintexas and of course, being the perfectionist I Am, I strain my clutching knee. As divine timing and “Gawd’s favor” would have it, it’s a 3-day weekend. So im like cool!! Im going home to Grandma’s house so she can love on me, wrap my knee, give me some GOOD pain meds, FILL MY BELLY (yes, lordt) you know, nurture me, so ill be back in tip top shape  just in time for class come Tuesday morning!!! #anticipation

 

Yay grandma 

 

140+ miles later I arrive at Grandma’s house… Limping from that hard-body ’95 Nissan truck (no hammers) to the front door, 3 trips to be exact in 103 degree TEXAS heat, mind you.. Open the door, cool crisp central air blasts me in the face. I inhale deeply.. I exhale a sigh of relief.. Until my eyes connect with my makeshift bed er umm couch. **the let down** Mind you ive already briefed Granny on the prior week’s challenges ya know the usual male chauvinistic, sexist, misogynist culture that is the trucking/automotive industry to which im no stranger to. Ive been working in said industry since 2006 so trust me, my skin is thick. However, this situation differs as ive never lived amongst those I worked with. College dorm sleeping, classroom style and OMG has it been an eye opener… Now week one of this 3week Class A intensive was the “welcoming” while week 2 was the initiation. I wont go into specifics but lets just say I would be just fine if I never hear the words “Yall females are taking all of OUR jobs” again in my life. See what that particular guy didn’t understand is that I too am a misogynist, CORRECTION: An internalized misogynist (thanks feminist chick.. there’s the bright side to your shady hearted antics) and didn’t fully comprehend why until I came “home” for the weekend. See, last week I kept trying to avoid this guy but he kept parking near me. Just had to say SOMETHING to me ya know? Just a pestilent little shit I couldn’t get away from. Then, it comes to me, like an epiphany…. He is my reflection!!! My own got damned shadow-self .

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According to Wikipedia Shadow-Self means: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)  Now when I say shadow-self I mean those parts of us that continue rearing its ugly head no matter how many yoga challenges we participate in, how many yoni steams or digestive system detoxes we perform, no matter how much chamomile tea and nag champa incense we burn, that darkside, that shadow just keeps on nagging at your inner peace like that one neighbor we ALL know who will STILL be bussin cannon-style fireworks randomly between the hours of 10:57p.m and 3:13am for the next 2-3 weeks… So, I had 2 choices. Either make friends with this bully, get to the root of why he doesn’t like women imposing on “his” territory, show him im different, you know cater to his egoic persona while stroking my own OR curse this dude (who is also a projection of myself, follow me now) out so bad he never blinks my away again let alone makes another snide remark.. OUTCOME: I did both not only did I make friends with my darkside i physically cursed him smooth out. Banished his ass like a bad spirit who cant accept its no longer in this physical realm!!!! Ghostbuster style… And man did it feel good!!! All that shy, passive shit flew right out the door. I had taken my last blow from misogyny.. or so I thought. Continue reading Dear Angry black woman, Im tired of yall… I mean, Us.

To My Father, its over…. Learning to let go.

 

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I miss my father & I think that’s why I go so hard FOR the black man.. He’s misunderstood, isn’t acceptable for him to cry OR raise his voice.. Only to make the money & be strong as an ox… Nothing against my mother, Ive just always missed my daddy’s presence more. ‪#‎noApologies‬ ‪#‎reflecting

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See I was the type of child who REQUIRED a 2-parent upbringing.. I deserved examples (external/conscious/yang) of balanced and harmonious partnerships, but because this wasn’t the design, I’ve spent the last 29years trying to restore homeostasis from within (subconscious/yin/internal source) via outside sources. ‪#‎doingItWrong‬

Nevertheless, here’s an open letter to my father… May this letter be received with all the love, fire, passion, growth it has taken me to release this to you all… Ase’

Continue reading To My Father, its over…. Learning to let go.

4. Reasons I won’t date Men with children…. AGAIN!!

Alrighty so by now (blog 5) we’re well aware that I’ve got some abandonment type issues.. sprinkle in a little sexual abuse.. public education… and KA-BOOM!!! Yea, cool story bro, right?

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But see the that’s not why im  not interested in helping raise your little crumb snatcher.  Or maybe it is, we’ll see by the end of this piece. First let me take a few steps UP to the top of my high horse and give you a brief synopsis of how I know I’d suck as your kid’s step-parent…

Selfish. I truly suck at sharing things and unless we’ve been together for over 2-3years im probably not bored enough to meet your kids yet. Chances are im still enjoying that whole new car smell type loving & Who has the energy for those  impromptu calls about how Lil Timmy just broke his big toe at soccer practice and needs YOU to come tell your story about how back in Cooley High 1997 you played through your ACL injury and scorned the winning shot in triple over-time.. WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING COS-PLAY!!!! Got damn you Timmy get your coordination together, FUCK!!!

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Or my absolute personal favorite, I have to cheer your irritable ass up all because your whack ass child’s mother/ex-wife who don’t want their ex to be great without them, heard her babygirl tell her other sibling how much they like Ms. Dragonfly over her mean ass? How Ms. Dragonfly takes the time to cut up their meat, asks questions about their school day fucking colors with them? And because they actually WANT TO STAY with their daddy and his “new bitch” you purposely start beef just to keep them away from us/him.. You try to punish HIM by punishing the babies… Yea that’s my favorite. Nobody got the energy to build that man back up right after you hoes simultaneously ripped my heart from me….. Its like clockwork!!! Which leads me to #2….

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2. Attachment. In the last serious relationship I encountered, this man was probably the most dope MALE parent ive ever witnessed in for real life, but I knew it wasn’t going to last. I knew our relationship wasn’t going to go the distance yet after roughly 1.5 of dating then eventually living together, he introduced me to his children… ~sighs~ Lets back up a few years. Now I entered my first bid dealing with a grown aged male with children, back in ill say ’08 shortly after Continue reading 4. Reasons I won’t date Men with children…. AGAIN!!

How To become a Predator…

I was the new girl in town…Again!!

(Freshly raped and passed around at least twice by my two older male step-cousins, prior to being uprooted then transplanted in this same old weird paper-mill smelling town during my 7th grade school year) Except this time, it was for good.. The suicide attempt bought me a good year of freedom back in the safety and nurturing arms of my great grandmother back in my hometown but I just couldn’t seem to get right. Age 10, Still reeling from a traumatic loss of the one stable father figure I’d been blessed since my then teenaged parents proved to be incompetent, the depression teamed with hyper stimulated genitalia was becoming too much for my grieving great grandmother to bare… I would eventually end up rotating between one relative to the next. I cant remember exactly what happened that got me to this point, yet Here I am, the new girl once again…

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Sitting in Ms. O’s typing class, in front of me he sits. Braids to the back, toffee colored skin, cover-all jeans creased to the 9, gangsta Nike’s, basketball hoopin, nice flows, project living, all his brothers and sisters had different daddies but HE was the oldest.. I still remember his adams apple, the veins in his arms… On the outside he reminded me of my father. Except he wasn’t 6feet tall and black as midnight but he definitely fit his “thuggish” exterior.. I just KNEW he was gonna take me down through there.. As I sat on the backrow.. quiet as kept.. Never even giving him as much of a good morning… I observed him.. his mannerisms.. how he sharpened his pencil.. how he would make it a POINT to strut across the floor just to shoot paper in the trashcan like he was Jordan or somebody.. “What a show off,” I thought to myself.. As he sat down, a breeze would swoop past my nose and every damn time, i breathed him in.. Adiddas cologne to be exact.. Continue reading How To become a Predator…

Child Sexual Abuse in the Black Community… Subjective Mind over the matter…

Child Rape and Incest… Our Little ‘BIG’ Secrets…

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Child rape & Incest within the black community is a bigger HEALTH CRISIS than AIDS, heart disease, hypertension and ALL cancers combined… How did I come to this conclusion when  NOBODY dares to even talk about it, yet it has a domino effect on EVERYBODY..  Contrary to what most of Us would like to believe, this “behavior” doesn’t just happen to little black girls by their drunk step father’s or some RANDOM dude in a spooky van circling playgrounds when the streetlights are coming on.. This is happening to little boys as well.. Continue reading Child Sexual Abuse in the Black Community… Subjective Mind over the matter…

Intro to Dragonfly….

The Dragonfly Affect….

By: T.D Hooks 

 

It all made sense last night. Why my brothers and sisters (skin-folk) molested me. Why my brothers (skin-folk) raped me…  Spread rumors of how their “CONQUEST” enjoyed it.. The shredding of her hymen.. The terror oops I mean LUST in her eyes..  The smile i painted on when returning home later that evening.. The self-preserving smile I was “self-taught” to display to hide the shame of no longer being a Virgin… the guilt of under-age drinking that sweet Peach Boone’s Farm.. Hanging & watching adult movies with 16yr old teenaged male step-cousins & step-sisters… the pain radiating between my thighs yet trying with all my might to not LOOK broken.. The fight to keep my head held high at school.. the fight to remain “focused” on the positives in life.. The physical fight I CHOSE (fight, flight, or freeze) to not put up being (what I perceived to be) that I was both physically out-matched, out witted and outnumbered… I froze.  The mantra that states this too shall pass… the law of detachment (from the physical body/realm).. Yep, at the tender age of 11, Young Dragonfly began to master the art of “faking it” for the next 15+ years of her life… That day I accepted that my body no longer belonged to me… Continue reading Intro to Dragonfly….