Category Archives: Clarity

Growing Pains of a Holistic Domme

 

I didn’t know what I meant to you.
I didn’t know my influence.
With your consent, I used you to feed my demons.
The greatest sin in all this is leaving you for years in between sessions knowing full well the impact such a void would leave on an already broken impressionable heart.
To my first subs, I Apologize.
I apologize for leaving you how my first abusers left me after relieving themselves, thus perpetuating the cycle of emotional/psychological manipulation thru sexual abuse.
In this walk of B.D.S.M there’s a fine line between predator & prey.
To be as close to “fair” as humanly possible, your innocence.. yearning for acceptance & mothering made you the perfect prey. In retrospect I would in turn become your beloved predator.
The Lair.. Mantling the Human

 

 

Like the Owl mantling it’s prey, I would shield you. With our Egoic Death imminently approaching.. As the grip tightens around your dainty throat, each breath more shallow than the next, lips loosen, more fingers your orifice(s) receives.. next breath, wrist twist, whole hand engulfed in your seas, Fully received, voice squeals, I loosen my grip long enough to permit air in your lungs, intently glaring into glossy eyes I COMMAND thee, “BITCH BREATHE!”

Breath Play/Asphyxiation
Slow deep & controlled, her eyes gloss, a single tear falls as she smirks, open hand face smack, grip tight once more as i shove my tongue so deep i graze her tonsils, wrist twists, she grinds. FULL STOP.
*tilts head*
Have i given you permission to fuck me back, YET?! A moment of fear wrapped in arousal overcomes her. She knows her Domme isnt pleased. Her cum she attempts to hold. Dopamine, floods as her cheeks turn from pink to  flusterered ruby.. BITCH BREATHE! Wrist twists, she shakes..
**tilts head, She snarls**
You want me to own you, me? One who has yet to take claim of her own divinity by birthright. You lay there, yielding your all to me.. her? In this moment i wonder who’s really in “control” here?
D/s (Dominant/Domme [Feminine Dominant] during a scence or B.D.S.M Play) Lower cased letter denotes status in relationship or hierarchical dynamic. Dominant/submissive (D/s), Master/slave (M/s) etc
Untwist.. losing my grip, “dont let her see your human Dragonfly.. she won’t respect you if you do. Stay present like that shit you preach in them yoga classes & social media posts.. Demons taunt..”
Internal Conflict Ceases..
“Your tears will go great as seasoning in my spaghetti sauce!! She licks..”
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For the last year I have observed both the rise & demise of “seemingly powerful” unions of the aware community community. Unions that were once financially lucrative while spiritually comatose. Crumbling because their foundations were built on trauma but was never addressed properly.  Ive observed abuse of power by D-types & for lack of better words, I was appalled. Even moreso the out of pocket nature of subs is just.. It reflects poorly on their D’s leadership abilities. So I wrote this piece as both the observer & active participant in the fuckery. I Am no better or worse than those who abuse their authority as Dominant. But I will say this, If at any point I feel myself being pushed beyond what I’m emotionally or psychologically equipped to handle from a respectful but firm standpoint, I will remove myself from the sub’s grasp completely. As I teach my students from the first day on the mat, as well as my potential Intimacy Surrogate partners, Self Preservation Is the first & most imporant law of Nature. And believe you me, I Will leave you alone cold turkey if it means my freedom, sanity, or livelihood is at stake, PERIOD. Decorum, consent, respect are all #1 under my leadership & are non-negotiable. Everything else is negotiable. Furthermore, I require Balance & Moderation in ALL things I touch especially MY subs in training..

Find Your Center…
Benediction..
Its kind of strange being a medium whose entire essence is built on one foot being planted firmly in the physically while the other simultaneously dances with the deceased. And as we enter the season of death by Scorpion, the Reaper within rises. Scythe sharpened & greased ready to harvest that which she’s worked all year to reap the benefits of. She’s ready to collect without apology.
Don’t Fear the Reaper babygirl/boy within….
She’s been here before. Year after year, prey after prey the colder she grows but on the contrary her heart warms. Not for those outside but the compassion she has for her own perceived demons is what keeps the proverbial fire burning within..

Continue reading Growing Pains of a Holistic Domme

Hail Mary!!!! of Magdalene that is…

Because you need new material, here’s a bone.

If you need quality healing you’re going to have to seek a seasoned professional. They say “hoes be winning these days” but here’s the kicker.. We never stopped!! Forced underground like the majick of our ancestors, we “Divine Whores” lay faithfully in wait of His great return..

 

It was our sacrifice that helped to Keep your picture perfect families in tact due to bullshit patriarchal hidden in plain sight, throw a rock hide ya hands boys will be boys under the rug sweeping backwards assed norms… For hundreds of years the whores have played “good girls” long enough. We watched our mother’s mother’s stick & stay for the APPEARANCE & the stability of that “D,” but no more. The sacredly divine Whore, respectfully referred to as the descendants of Mary Magdalene or her “dark side” of Lillith.. Medusa to Athena/Juno are here to serve, destroy & restore the rise of Our Great Mother. She has awakened within man as well given the great rise to Eunuch and to the Homosexual male, i salute your rise into power taking on this task of restoring balance from the inside-out. You won’t have to suffer much longer as with the Divine Whore now days we put it ALL out front..

As for the fall of good guys/gals they will now go into the shadows of their decency & morality. We’re in a time where everything must flip. Those who bought into the “good girl” narrative thus suppressing her calling into initiation from the divine Whore herself, she’s praying for a way out. The reality of this grave mismanagement of gift will cost her her livelihood, family, health or worse her sanity… But woe to the whores who followed his/her loins down the dark path of whoredom.. You may now take your throne with pure heart. Shamed, shunned, chastised & ostracized you are finally gaining the recognition you’ve always deserved. Your inheritance awaits.

Funny thing is that now all the lives youve touched, orally, anally, vaginally will no longer require physical contact. As you’ll soon realize all we have to do is embrace ourselves, clean up how we view our work, forgive the process that which created such a beautiful mess & like well, majick, we rise.. So yes, hoes be winning these days because we know what its like to lose. We’ve been playing psychotherapist to your spouse for 400years so noone knows the mind of Man better than the Whore sent here to set him free. We never shame those who seek true baptism by fountain or look down on them for wanting to explore our orifices like the nomadic entities they’ve always been. No, those were the “good girls” back in the good old days but now its OUR time to fly high.. tis the season ladies.. Happy Whoring!!!!

Yours Truly, Mother/Sister/Mistress
Saint Mary Magdalene…

This has been the Dragonfly Affect, thank you for Receiving, now share.

 

Yes, I Am Blessed. thanks for recognizing it!!

Been receiving a lot of “God bless you, have a blessed day” here lately. And for the first time in this life, I dont feel awkward hearing it. I actually say “thanks, you too!!” As opposed to that deer in the headlights look like “O-kay”

😂😂😂 You know what im going back to my real life diary lol f*ck yall!!! Get out my blessed ass life you heathens!! 😂🤣🤣 #wonthedoit 🙏

But seriously tho, I’m finally secure in my non-belief systems & practices so I’m already knowing AND receptive to the sentiment behind the gesture, be it “programmed” or not. I receive & reciprocate that energy to whomever shows appreciation of my light. I worked my ass off to get here & imma soak it in til I’m overflowing with that shit.. So, if you wanna “save” humanity, start with yourself.. That’s all. Thanks for reading tho✌ #introspection #darkYogi #dragonflyAffect #traumaFree #packlight

Woman: All knowing, yet addicted to playing victim..

Ive been attempting to get to the root of why there’s such an emtional disconnect between myself & women vs. that of well… unison in terms of the male species and it has finally dawned on me.. my ex was completely right when he said men were degenerate versions of women. I couldnt wrap my mind around it at the time. To be honest, i was actually offended because that was MY sun he was talking about, but all in all like the Pisces he is, he was right.

I see the heterosexual male as something similar to our special needs population here in the west. For whatever reason, the androgynous creator sought out to create both physical manifestations of its self. One being woman, the other being man & group of beings who would have all the remnants of everything above, below & in between. Gatekeepers..

Pause, im not one to half-ass anything i write but im in a space where im no longer interested in intellectualism. Im not willing to explain my stance, when it just is. I dont want to convert you, the reader or save the planet. And to be frank, this whole blog is redundant but for the sake of argument, let me get to the point.

UnPause: Introspection has brought me to the understanding that women only play victim to “patriarchy/misogyny” because if they accepted that they’re both the creator & destroyer of ignorance then change starts with her. Not only that, she would have to admit her perfect creation, man-kind, isnt quite as perfect as she thought into existence. She is a jealous, bipolar, ego driven, hypersexual, fear based god & to go against her will, is blasphemy punishibale by cyber death. Ive witnessed women ruin entire careers, reputations, blogs etc all because one dared to defy her will by challenging her ideals. When fact of the matter is, everything begins & ends with her. This is why the child is first housed within her womb. Thats the first earth, first house, first crib, first meal, last breath. And its also where death occurs first. She is the alpha, & the omega. She is/was the first & will be the last of creation, but we’ll never see progress in this realm again, until she accepts her role in being the predatory savage she was created to be. What we are witnessing in today’s heterosexual male are the absolute recessive parts of Gods subconsious playing out in our everyday lives & for the first time she’s seeing herself and good lord is she hideous.. Those parts of her MUST be eradicated but of course she has to accept her place in creating this clusterfuck, first.. she leads, he’ll follow, but lets not put the cart before the horse just yet..

The heterosexual male never stood a chance at being her counterpart.. her equal. He was set up for failure the day we decided to put his genitals on the outside, leading his body before his head/heart. Then here we are, 2017, projecting our disappointment in him for not living up to our impossible standards he was never going to be able to attain to begin with & deep down, he knows he’s sub-par. He tries his hardest to please us but as god, her appetite can never be satisfied. To admit this, her imperfection is to admit defeat. Is to admit thats she’s human & quite possibly no higher than He afterall.

 

So whats the point? Im not sure.. perhaps we were just bored & wanted to play with ourselves via cosmic masturbation, and figured hey lets pretend we’re the weaker sex & fondle man’s emotions until they destroy each other to the point they’ll have no choice but to submit to our will. Only to realize, they would destroy the planet in the process.  Then again, this is the all-knowing god we’re talking about so instead of admitting she’s wrong & fixing it for divine peace, lets just destroy everything that has breath, that has potential for greatness then they’ll beg for a reset, & still get to be the savior all over again.

 

Far-fetched? Perhaps. but because god works in mysterious ways we shouldnt question her in/abilities to make sound, logical non-reactionary judgments or expect her to do so or suffer the wrath of her consequences. She’ll flood the earth, burn it to ash, or become so jealous of our unity she’ll cause Pangaea to shift..

 

Point: As a gatekeeper, I was born neutral towards woman, while harboring 100% compassion towards man. (Ive had to learn how to be neutral towards men but thats another blog) Woman refuses to hold herself accountable for allowing this “mess” a safe space inside her womb then why should he bother cleaning up? Protecting HER house she so proudly boasts belings solely to her? (rhetorical)

And For this fact alone, I cant be mad at man for how he acts. For being “predatory,” when it is us who created him to be that in the first place. He’s just stunting like his mama, thats all. I find no fault in Him for that. He was already forgiven for his sins once i accepted him into my womb. So, here’s to man-kind.. the degenerate special needs version of myself. You are now free to do you, with or without me/us.. Free will brother.. Do with it, what thou whilst. Thanks for reading.

You’re not as innocent as you think…

Because everybody’s a victim in 2017, or wants to play one, let me speak directly to those who are so helpless & innocent they can’t tell a broken fe/male from a [mostly] healed one..

I’m going to attempt to keep this brief & to the point. I’ve witnessed a lot of finger pointing going on between which came first chicken or the egg on these internet streets, when in reality they’re both the same chicken, just in different stages of life but I digress.

There’s an ongoing debate on whose at fault for the break down of the black community here in the West, so without getting too deep, let’s just say it’s my fault. 30yrs on this planet & I still view everything outside of me as OUT-SIDE of me.. Just Sit with that one for a minute..

By now you’ve survived all the trauma living in the first world has to offer. I know how tough it is having Indoor plumbing,  access to the front entrance of anywhere you dare to purchase goods & services from, passports to leave and go wherever you want whenever you want.. not having drones bomb your entire neighborhoods, or better yet, having the freedom to parade through public streets full nude & proclaim that others are wrong for not embracing YOUR willingness to be well, butt-naked in public. It’s tough living like this, & things really need to change for the better, I totally get it. You’ve played the victim so long you can’t even tell you’ve actually become your captor.. You’ve actually become the predator we all love to hate.. Let me explain.

Continue reading You’re not as innocent as you think…

You have the right to Stay Sleep: A “Stay Woke” Think Piece…

After watching Hidden Colors 1-3/4,  a few buzzkill documentaries & reliving slavery via “strange fruit” memes via social media from your “#wokeAf friends, learning to respect another’s right to dis-associate #staySleep themselves  from the harsh reality of today’s social climate can be challenging. Especially when it requires a certain level of compassion & understanding as opposed to rude awakenings, teasing by name calling (sheep, coon etc), bashing ideologies  or coercion.  But first let me give you the definition of what it means to disassociate so you’ll know how/what you’re dis-respecting..

http://<a

href=”http://www.thefreedictionary.com/disassociate”>disassociate</a>

Now check below to find out about Dissociative Disorders that cause memory blockages or temporary amnesia..

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/dissociative-disorders/what-are-dissociative-disorders

 

 

Experiencing temporary amnesia (blocked memories) or even being so-called “sleep” is just how the brain protects itself from the reality of traumatic events. Be it a car accident, death of a loved one, sexual trauma or Continue reading You have the right to Stay Sleep: A “Stay Woke” Think Piece…

Overcoming Holiday Depression Anxiety.. And why I Am thankful..

Its no longer a debate on whether we came from a LONG line of emotionally unavailable women or not. Its no longer a debate of whether this system made her that way by stripping her of our father’s, her father literally &/or figuratively. But now that we’re here, the offspring generation Y, fully awakened & aware of said conditions looking around at this world as newborns.. like how did this happen? When the evidence lies within what of our remains bloodline..

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I remember Thanksgiving 2009.. My great grandmother had passed on MLK day bacin January 19. Couple months prior trying to be a team player going the extra mile for a certain pizza chain, ended up being T- boned by some idiot totalling my first ride.. a 99 Toyota Tacoma.. tore ligaments in my neck & for the first time in my life, I was terrified to drive.. I even started smoking cigarettes (one of two things besides adrenal gland fatigue that took my Mama Dea out.. along with her husband a few weeks prior to thanksgiving back in ’96)  just to drive again once I finally ran out of savings.. Fast forward to thanksgiving.. car-less, body broken, ego shattered, heart? (don’t mention it) And my aunt is on her way to pick me up to take me to be bombarded with memories of the staple of my life that no longer exists. the one person who never turned her back on me.. or it looked at me with disgust for being “broken”.. she was gone. Fast forward I decline the ride and to my surprise, no-one sent me a plate. They fed the “homeless” in Madison instead.. As punishment for not showing up, I didn’t “deserve” a plate. Which reminded me of that one Christmas mom didn’t but me anything because lets be honest.  i was a problem child.. year after year presents & plates were piled high for me.. I can’t remember the crap i was bought or the foods on those plates but I remember the disappointment.. the emptiness.. the rejection of not being understood. I learned just how cold & unsympathetic the black woman could truly be..

My new perspective is that they were grieving too.. And my not being there was a way to lash out for all the grief a sexually abused child brings upon a family. My not being there was a bitter sweet feeling because 1) I wasn’t a physical reminder of what the town knows happened 2) I gave in to depression. I was becoming a loser & a failure because I wasn’t as “strong” as them. I couldn’t just “put on” for a few hours and pretend to be overjoyed to see them.. make them feel better and it’s better they don’t have to see me. 3) more food for them

So I said all that to say this.. what my family doesn’t know is that I haven’t had an appetite on thanksgiving since ’95.. I have to force myself to eat every year during this time. I can’t smoke to provoke an appetite due to current profession so all that’s left to do is feel. And if I must say so myself, I feel more alive NOW than ever before. However I do understand why people feel anger, anxiety, depression during these times. It feels as if We’re stuck in bereavement mode, my generation. All this knowledge we have we just can’t seem to evolve past the pain. Pain, self victimization, self pity,  self sabotage, self neglect and all around trauma have become our normal. Granted some of us can & are doing the werk to evolve but there comes a time where one must separate others pain, their PAST trauma, their PAST hurts and embrace where they are right now. In the present.. Thanksgiving 2016, the outside world is “grieving” for native American struggles, all summer it was “black” lives, and today is a gumbo of the “world’s” pain and tragedy. And im over here like, nah. I still dont have an appetite but i DO have joy in my heart. I can actually FEEL love and compassion for others without feeling drained of life force. In ’09 my heart was filled with despair. 2013, I was praying for Trayvon, scared for my teenage male relatives.. 2015, I observed the final thanksgiving I was going to spend being “concious” 100% in my head about the knowledge & superior to my blood relatives.. true I would fake happy til this year but I made it through!!! I finally beat depression. I finally have my innocence.. my femininity.. my sensuality back and for that, I Am thankful. The world will burn I mean turn no matter what hashtag is popping this week. I Am thankful for moments of the present. And one day, this life or the next, so will you..

blessing2

Thanks for reading.

Gross Negligence: Heart Chakra & the 7 stages of grief..

Throughout this blog, I’ve spoken strictly from the neglected root chakra perspective via childhood sexual trauma. As i work my way up the “self- correcting” ladder that is the chakra system, reprogramming generational effects of  being born in the “first world.” As unsettling as it is, i have to admit that it’s become more evident, that we’re being attacked on all fronts.. simultaneously at the heart & root level.. There’s no reaching the crown without a fully activated heart.. there’s no reaching the heart when the foundation is cracked.. ironically the heart is the only organ standing at the gates that unites the upper 3 & lower 3 chakras. When an organism sees no benefit in its Being FULLY functional, that vital organ no longer has a purpose to fuel said organisms continued survival.

The Map of the Human Heart
The Map of the Human Heart

The heart is such a beautifully chaotic organ. On the surface all we see is the rhythmic pulsating action of said organ’s synchronized chaos involuntarily fighting for a living, breathing [both rebellious ungrateful, by society’s design] organism who refuses to even acknowledge its purposeful existence.

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but before I get too deep, here’s a few meme’s depicting the collective mentality of a population under the influence of westernized “first world” culture.

 

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Self Pity, Depression.. Shock.. Loss.

 

images
Self Defense.. fight, flight or freeze.

 

fuck-love-martinez-09
Groupthink, gang mentality influenced & backed by entertainment/music industry.

And in true westernized society fashion, I present to you… Supplementation.

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Denial, Overworking/Over-extending ourselves into exhaustion… “Work/grind-a-holics” Independent/strong black women.. Facades.

 

fuck_love_do_drugs-816446
Self Destruction/Sabotage & Escapism,
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More Denial & Escapism..

Acceptance/Introspection.

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Acceptance, Introspection.. Growth.

 

It’s my observation that one has to experience all 7 stages of grief to activate all 7 chakras.. Yes, some stages repeat but that’s only because one hasnt mastered the lesson. Of course this is from a rudimentary perspective as I Am still coming into this Knowing of self. So with that being said, eventually I’ll go more in depth regarding each stage but im going to stop here for now.  Thanks for reading.

 

Love aint lust, ladies…

kendricklam

Love & Lust feel nothing alike… I mean absolutely nothing alike. And I’m trying to decide from whose perspective shall I speak Or to whom the subject matter should be geared towards, but fellas try being direct with these females because they don’t really comprehend “nice no’s.” Before i dive into it, LADIES: let me give you a quick tip on how to discern whether it’s lust controlling him or not…

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Fellas, back to yall.. They’re having trouble wrapping they’re mind around the services you’re providing as a warm body, fire head game &/or between consistent schlong stamina. Your man meat unlocks years of trauma.. I’m talking generational trauma but isn’t it funny how once the seed is spilled you snap back to reality out of that trance like state? While she head over heels in love sex high off adrenaline & oxytocin, on the other hand is up washing your dishes.. folding your clothes, liking All your damn profile pics and all you were looking for was a little release therapy…

Now you got 2 options..

1) Cut her off. Cold turkey [or at least attempt to]
2) Drag it out because she looks at least halfway decent, mediocre head, phenomenal body, plus she lets you [insert fetish here] til “she” MAKES you snap or you put a baby in her.

Ahh fuq it!!! Do what thou whilst.. Make the most of this human experience.. Pick your poison. But remember I told you.. Love feels nothing like lust. Thanks for reading.

love-vs-lust