Survivor 1 Speaks…
I prefer to be anonymous and I’m no writer but here goes:
I didn’t know when my mother’s boyfriend son Zack was touching me, that it was wrong. It wasn’t explained to me that, that type of behavior isn’t healthy. I didn’t know that I was being taken advantage of. I was 5 or 6 years old, I was innocent, and he was taking that from me and I didn’t even know it.
Looking back on it though, I wonder who took it from him! Who robbed Zack of his innocence? What could possibly make him do that to me? He was supposed to be protecting me, not violating me, but damn, who did this to him, and how long did it happen?
Did someone do that to Zack or was he playing out behavior from his ancestral memory?
Our fathers were raped, they had no innocence, and we are their offspring, so what can black women do to heal us broken men.
Survivor 3…. James ‘JS’ Smith speaks…
Molested Man I never thought of myself as someone who had been molested. I am a black male who by all accounts have had a successful and productive life up until this point. I have never felt humiliated or damaged by the encounters I had. But as I got older and discovered what molestation really is, it was clear that I had been a victim of that crime. In my particular case, smaller cousins and I were being babysat by an older cousin. I had to have been around four or five when I had encounters. She would take me to her room and lock the door behind us. I remember her sent as she pulled her panties down. I remember her taking my hands and moving them over her body. She would direct and guide my hands inside her. She would also fondle me as well. The thing I remember most about the whole situation, is how I never liked her squeezing my testicles. She would scrub and wash my hands very thoroughly to get her cents off of me. Although it happened multiple times, I don’t know how many. It might have gone on for about a year but I’m not sure. But I am almost positive that I was not the only one. I did not feel like I have any carryover from any of the counters I had. I do not like my testicles being squeezed. When I was in elementary, some people thought I was mannish. From high school to now, some people feel that I’m hyper sexual and freaky. But I cannot honestly contribute these behaviors to what happened to me. I do not deny what my cousin did as being wrong. I just personally don’t think that it negatively affected my life. When I think about girlfriends who suffered sexual abuse, there is no comparison to the pain that they fail and have to constantly deal with. I respect the word rape and the word molest because of how impactful they are on the victim’s psyche. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood before I even felt the slightest confliction about the counters I had. I’m never had seen myself as a victim of sexual abuse but I was.- James ‘JS’ Smith
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